NEWS
Trump Forced To Play Glockenspiel At Rally After Every Artist Bars Use Of Songs
WALKER, MI—Plunking out a solo as the performance entered its 45th minute, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump was reportedly forced to play the glockenspiel at a rally Friday after every musical artist in the country banned him from using their songs.
“He started out with some sheet music, but within minutes he was just hammering away at the same few notes over and over,” rally-goer Ray Garza said as Trump regaled the crowd with a medley of public domain material including “Alexander’s Ragtime Band” and “Take Me Out To The Ball Game.” “I’ve heard at other rallies he’ll go for hours at a time. At first I was kinda unsure, but he just has so much confidence. While I never really liked jazz before, he can improv on those keys, and it just keeps me hooked. I’m not sure if he really invented the glockenspiel, like he claimed, but he’s the best I’ve ever heard, and he says all of Kamala Harris’ glockenspiel performances are fake.” At press time, the estate of Irving Berlin was suing the former president for his glockenspiel rendition of “God Bless America.”
Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce Plotting Major Life Change —Considering Relocation to Canada or UK to Build Their Family after their wedding, Calling Donald Trump’s America a ‘Living Hell’
Taylor Swift Rips Into the White House for Releasing President Donald Trump’s Positive Health Report Today, Calling It an Outrageous and Insensitive Act Amid Joe Biden’s Newly Announced Radiation Treatments for Aggressive Prostate Cancer
Donald Trump Complains That In the Last 24 Hours Barack Obama and Taylor Swift Have Publicly Congratulated the Women’s Las Vegas Basketball Team and Maria Corina Machado on Her Nobel Peace Prize — Yet None of Them, Nor Any Other Living U.S. President, Have Acknowledged His Historic Middle East Peace Deal
Taylor Swift Extends Congratulations to Venezuela Opposition Leader Maria Corina Machado for Her Inspiring Nobel Peace Prize Win, While Delivering a Scathing Condemnation of Donald Trump’s Political Influence and his actions against peace after Chicago and Portland crackdown
Sorry, Mr. President — Too Many Americans Fought and Died for Democracy’: Taylor Swift Calls Out Trump for Turning the Presidency Into a Tool of Intimidation, Saying His Focus on Political Retaliation Instead of Health Care and National Recovery Is a Dangerous Path Toward Authoritarian Rule
Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce Continue to Melt Hearts as They’re Spotted Dining Together in Manhattan, Balancing Stardom and Romance During the Singer’s Spectacular ‘Life of a Showgirl’ Press Tour
Jason Kelce’s Playful and Wedding Question to Travis Kelce about when the wedding will be During ESPN’s ‘Monday Night Countdown’ Sparks Uncontrollable Laughter from Andy Reid and Patrick Mahomes, in the Wake of Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s High-Profile Engagement Announcement
Taylor Swift Condemns Donald Trump for “Domestic Terrorism and Seditious Insurrection,” Accuses Him of Turning the U.S. Military Against Its Own Citizens After His Order to Use Full Force in Chicago Days After the Portland Crackdown
Birthday Boy Travis Kelce Arrives at EverBank Stadium Radiating Confidence and Energy as He’s Set to Leads the Kansas City Chiefs into a High-Stakes Showdown Against the Jacksonville Jaguars
Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce Step Out for a Glamorous Dinner Date in Kansas City to Celebrate “The Life of a Showgirl” Album Success
White House Launches Legal Offensive Against NBC, Filing Lawsuit Over SNL’s Latest Cold Open That Mocked President Donald Trump, FCC Chairman Brendan Carr, and Secretary of War Pete Hegseth — Calling the Sketch a “Blatant Misuse of Broadcast Privilege
