NEWS
BREAKING NEWS: United States Joe Biden Rushed Into Surgery After Eating Sock
WASHINGTON—After paramedics used a scalpel to open an airway and keep him from asphyxiating en route to the hospital, President Joe Biden was reportedly rushed into surgery at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center on Wednesday to remove a sock that had become lodged in his throat after he tried to eat it. “While it’s true President Biden partially ingested a striped dress sock earlier today, I want to assure everyone that this is a routine surgery, and the president is expected to be back home enjoying his favorite treats in just a few hours,” said White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre, who confirmed the commander-in-chief had stolen the sock from a partially open drawer in the Executive Residence while Secret Service agents weren’t looking and had gnawed on it in a corner of the room for five minutes, eventually attempting to put the entire thing in his mouth.
“There are longstanding protocols against leaving out anything a president could pick up and choke on, so we’ll be investigating the security lapse that allowed a drawer to be open at a height that President Biden could easily reach. But I would like to categorically deny the rumor that a game of tug-of-war between the Secret Service and the president led to this hospitalization.” At press time, Jean-Pierre told reporters the president was out of surgery but warned Americans to stay away from him for a little while as he was still logy from the meds.
Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift Turn Heads in the Caribbean, Spotted Indulging in Ultimate Luxury as They Cruise Virgin Gorda on a Flying Ray Boat
Donald Trump Admits at House GOP Members’ Retreat That He Fears Impeachment and Possible Prison if Republicans Lose Control of Congress in the 2026 Midterm Elections
IMF Condemns President Donald Trump’s Military Attack on Venezuela and the Abduction of President Nicolás Maduro, Warning That U.S. Actions Are Destabilizing the Global Economy , Threatens to Trigger a Review of America’s Voting Influence and Leadership Role and Limit it if Maduro is not released
Donald Trump Issues a Chilling Dare to China and Russia During House GOP Retreat as Global Tensions Surge After Venezuela Attack and Capture of President Maduro following thier Threats to Take Military Action and Economic Sanctions on United States
China Detains U.S. Special Envoy Jamieson Greer and Ambassador David Perdue, Confines Assets as Tensions Surge Over Venezuela and Beijing Demands President Maduro’s Immediate Release
United States Signals It Will Exercise Its Veto Power at the United Nations After Being Suspended Under Article 5 for Condemning President Donald Trump’s Unilateral Military Action in Venezuela and the Capture of President Nicolás Maduro
China Firmly Rejects U.S. Offer to Transfer Venezuelan Oil, Insisting President Nicolás Maduro Be Released Immediately and Unconditionally after Donald Trump’s Military Action in Venezuela and Abducting its president
China Conducts Standard Troop Deployments, Scheduled PLA Drills and Missile Tests as It Continues to Warn the United States and Donald Trump of Serious Military Consequences Over the Detention of Venezuela’s President
Taylor Swift Urges Immediate Impeachment of Donald Trump after Attacking Venezuela and ‘Kidnapping’ President Maduro, Demands Removal of Pete Hegseth for War Crimes and Kash Patel Over Epstein File Destruction, Warns Public of Alleged Plans Targeting Mexico, Greenland, and Cuba
Gavin Newsom Condemns Donald Trump Over Venezuela Operation, Says Trump Is the Last Person Fit to “Correct a Bad Act,” and Argues That Even Brutal Dictator Nicolás Maduro Would Be a Better President Than Trump in America
Kamala Harris Compares Donald Trump to Adolf Hitler and Vladimir Putin, Accuses Him of Committing War Crimes Over Venezuela Attack and Maduro Abduction, Stresses That While Maduro Is a Brutal Dictator, Trump’s Actions Were Unlawful and Diplomatic Options Were Ignored
