NEWS
BREAKING NEWS: United States Joe Biden Rushed Into Surgery After Eating Sock
WASHINGTON—After paramedics used a scalpel to open an airway and keep him from asphyxiating en route to the hospital, President Joe Biden was reportedly rushed into surgery at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center on Wednesday to remove a sock that had become lodged in his throat after he tried to eat it. “While it’s true President Biden partially ingested a striped dress sock earlier today, I want to assure everyone that this is a routine surgery, and the president is expected to be back home enjoying his favorite treats in just a few hours,” said White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre, who confirmed the commander-in-chief had stolen the sock from a partially open drawer in the Executive Residence while Secret Service agents weren’t looking and had gnawed on it in a corner of the room for five minutes, eventually attempting to put the entire thing in his mouth.
“There are longstanding protocols against leaving out anything a president could pick up and choke on, so we’ll be investigating the security lapse that allowed a drawer to be open at a height that President Biden could easily reach. But I would like to categorically deny the rumor that a game of tug-of-war between the Secret Service and the president led to this hospitalization.” At press time, Jean-Pierre told reporters the president was out of surgery but warned Americans to stay away from him for a little while as he was still logy from the meds.
Donald Trump Send a Warning to the World After Attacking Venezuela and Arresting Maduro, Stands His Ground Despite Russia and China Threats, Praising U.S. Troops and Arguing Venezuela Action Will Save American Lives and Secure the Southern Border while Sending Warning to any Nation That Harms the United States
Impeachment Discussions Intensify in Capitol Hill as Lawmakers Accuse Donald Trump of Unlawful Use of Military Force and Detention of a Foreign Leader of a sovereign nation Without Congressional Consent after Military Action in Venezuela and capture of Maduro
UNSEEN IMAGES of Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift as they were Spotted on Sun-Drenched Beaches in Mexico Ringing in the New Year After Spending Festive Holidays with Donna and Ed Kelce and Scott and Andrea Swift”
China Announces Total Ban on U.S. Tourists as Tensions Soar After President Xi Condemns Donald Trump’s Military Actions in Venezuela and Arrest of President Maduro, Warning of Severe Diplomatic Fallout
Travis Kelce Arrives at Allegiant Stadium in Las Vegas for the Chiefs’ Final Game of the Season Against the Raiders, Carrying the Bags as Taylor Swift Walks Slowly Behind Him as the Couple makes their First Appearance Together in the New Year
Taylor Swift Calls for the Complete Dissolution of the United Nations as She Fiercely Condemns Donald Trump’s Military Actions Against Venezuela
Russia President Vladimir Putin Says He’s now Certain How to Treat Ukraine’s President Volodymyr Zelenskyy After Pointing to How the United States and Donald Trump Handled Venezuela’s President Nicolás Maduro
Kylie Kelce Reveal She Never Expected Taylor Swift’s Bridesmaid Joke to Turn Serious—Until Her Daughter Wyatt Asked If She Could Wear a Pink Dress to ‘Auntie’ Taylor’s wedding to Perform Bridesmaid Duties Promised by Taylor Swift
Taylor Swift Breaks Her Silence on Venezuela Crisis, Condemns Donald Trump’s Military Action and Arrest of Venezuela President Maduro as ‘A Betrayal of Peace, Humanity, and the Values We Should All Stand For’
FIFA Thrown Into Global Firestorm as Board Debates Stripping Donald Trump of Peace Prize After Venezuela Military Order and Maduro Capture
United Nations Calls Emergency Consultations, Warns Against Dangerous Escalation After Venezuela Attack Claims Rock World Powers as Russia and China Condemns Donald Trump
