Former United States President Joe Biden Passes Away

APRIL FOOL

“BREAKING: Joe Biden ‘Accidentally Retires Twice in One Day,’ White House Confirms It’s Just a Tuesday”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a moment that perfectly captures the chaos of modern politics, former President Joe Biden reportedly “retired twice before lunch” on Tuesday, briefly confusing aides, reporters, and at least one confused tourist group.

According to insiders, Biden announced his retirement during breakfast, only to “un-retire” after being reminded he had already left office. By mid-morning, he had reportedly retired again—this time after finishing a cup of coffee and declaring, “That’s enough excitement for one day.”

White House staff (past and present) were quick to clarify that nothing unusual had actually happened, calling it “just one of those classic Washington moments.”

Social media exploded with reactions, with some users joking that Biden had “set a new record for fastest retirement comeback in U.S. history.”

Experts confirmed there is no constitutional rule against “multiple retirements in a single day,” though they admitted the situation was “deeply confusing, but kind of impressive.”

As of press time, Biden was reportedly enjoying a quiet afternoon, unaware that he had “trended three separate times before noon.”